I’ve learned why used car salesman have bad reputations today. First let me fill you in on the filler that led up to this. The astro van I was buying in my last post actually called me around midnight to inform me they could not find the van no longer, they were driviing through the k-mart parking lot they left it in and it would had appeared, to had vanished.

This did not make the Air Force guy and the Well’s Fargo banker I was staying with very pleased. Don’t get me wrong, they were both cool people, especially the banker. Anyone who let’s a complete stranger in their house for 3 days is awesome to me.

In the morning the Wells Fargo banker drove me to his work. From there I proceeded to unslide my bike and bike it towards the used car dealer using only the recording they left on their message of their address. It was a difficult find, but I did it. In fact I was too early to even see a person, they had yet to open.

I sat on a couch for an hour in their used car parking lots. Pickings looked slim. This accountant at the place eventually showed me around. There was one good vehicle there, very cosmetically intact. All the cars here were donated for charity, so a lot of them were real junkers. An aerostar ford van caught my eye, a 1991 beauty that reminded me of Alaska. (I drive a 1995 aerostar ford van)

The salesman was cool. He was this fat Hawaiian guy. We ended up talking about the van a little bit, test-drived it, it seem to work fine. Had an anti-lock brake signal on, which didn’t amount to much, or so he told me. Now I know absolutely nothing about cars.

Cars are horrible investments. Always depreciates. Money-sinks. Just three reasons why I never really wanted to learn anything about cars. I am all about building business and art, and to me, cars are just not a good vehicle for either.

The van was a 1500 dollars, I merely said I had a 1000 and the price dropped. That should had been my first clue perhaps to the can of migraines my newfound salesman friend Reggie would bring me.

I went to the Venetiian casino where three of my rideshares were. Was putting the test to my scientific hypothesis when… on the fifth level of the casino parking lot I hear a screeching. I smell burned rubber. At first I smile thinking that it is not my car, that some schmuck got jipped in this garage.

That’s when I parked.

I got out and realized it was my van. Small plumes of grey smoke came out from the bottom of the van. Right in the middle-bottom part of it too. Not front or behind, had no idea what the hell it meant. The van shaked violently so I turned it off as it made its squealing sounds.

Scared, I called my good friend Reggie. Him and I had spent two hours talking and joking while waiting to get my money out of the bank. Surely he would help me.

His response was, “Well least you found out now instead of later when you were in the desert.”

Yes, guess that is a blessing Reggie. Thanks for trying to cheer me up on the van you sold to me that had no transmission fluid, oil, or any water/antifreeze with an overheating radiator and a cord popping out of the tire. Indeed, this was a blessing.

I bought the van asking constantly would it make it to Salt Lake City and then to the East Coast. Reggie repeatedly confirmed that they would. What an awesome fellow. He really can brighten up a piece of shit.

The three rideshares, two capitalist hippies and a day trader/pro gambler and I decided to rent a car together and drive up to Salt Lake. It was a pretty odd combo. The day trader was definitely awesome. The hippies were some of the coolest hippies I’ve met, yet, they were still hippies.

I got screwed out of a 1000 dollars. Though this happened the day trader calmed down my mess of headaches with the thought that in ten years, this will just be a learning memory. That I had to let go. For that, I thank the man greatly. He helped a lot.

As for Reggie, I feel as if perhaps he just did not have very good product knowledge when he sold me it. Him and I agreed so much on the philosophy of what made a good salesman it lashed me really the wrong way. There is nothing I respect more than a good salesman, they’re some of the best people you could ever meet in this world.

I’ve been trying to get ahold of Reggie to talk to him about this van. See if there is anything to be done about it. The van is getting moved over to the day trader’s friends house. I left the keys there as the piece of shit didn’t run anyhow, so just hid them and if a thief happened to be carrying 5 different liquids with him and a spare tire, I would applaud him stealing my van just at his sheer preparedness.

I remember some of the other people I tried to buy vans from. They all told me I was crazy thinking I could buy a thousand dollar vehicle and travel across country with. They  all told me I need to buy a 20g or so car. At the end of every one of those conversations I said to myself that I would buy a 1000 dollar van and get to Salt Lake City, I would prove them wrong!

And, so I did.

I did buy a 1000 dollar van. I did get to Salt Lake City. The van is just parked in Las Vegas.

-Greg the Writer